I Won't Cry Anymore
by lovejag
Summary: Mac says goodbye to the pain of the past to face her future with Harm where fate has leaded them.


"I Won't Cry Anymore"

By Rita Widmer

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG. I just want to borrow the characters I love for awhile.

Rating: PG

Summary: Mac says good-bye to the pain of the past to face her future with Harm where fate has leaded them.

AN: I decided to leave their final destination together up to the reader. The two are temporarily separated waiting for the resignation to go through or transfer. Feedback is always loved and welcome and extra points go for anyone that can name the artist of the title.

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The sun beamed rays softly through the trees that surrounded the small quiet cemetery. Her eyes were staring only at the plaque that lay in the ground with a name and dates of birth and death of a man that had played an integral part of her life. For many years, she considered it all a bad influence. His actions leading her to drinking at the age of 15, the marriage, and that led to the death of her friend of Eddie. Lastly to her uncle's rescue of her from a life of alcoholism.

The heartache didn't end there. The pain he would cause would continue for years after that. Not just in the men she picked, or every time she had to fight to pick up a drink, but in the events that you hoped a parent would show up for and support.

She remembered the first time she saw him after she had dried out at Red Rock, her uncle at her side.

&& "Uncle Matt, I have to do this for him. If I can do it so can he. I have to try," a much younger Mac said.

"I know, Sarah," he answered, putting a hand on her back for support.

She took the key out of her pocket, and looked up at her uncle one last time looking for confidence in her actions. The slight nod of the head sent her back to the door. The click of the lock signaled the unlocking of the door. The old familiar squeak sent fear through her

"Father, are you here?" She called out.

"Leave me alone. I have no daughter," the rustic voice of her father could be heard.

She found him sitting in a recliner with a bottle of vodka in his hand. Walking over to him, she took the bottle out of his hand.

"It's me, Sarah. I'm here to help you, Father. We're going to get you better."

"I don't need your help or anyone else's. Get out of here! You're only a tramp who is no better than her mother was." He stood quickly from his chair, standing face to face with her now as anger poured out of his drunken stupor.

She shrunk back as memories of the past caught up with her. "You're a mean drunk. I'm joining the marines tomorrow, and get as far away from here as I possibly can. I was just hoping I could help you too. That might make me stupid or naïve, but at least I'm no longer a drunk."

She stared him in the eyes one last time before she ran out of the room and her childhood home with her uncle on her heels. Outside she broke down in his arms.

"Why did I believe I could help him, Uncle Matt? Why was I so stupid?" she cried.

"Look at me now. You aren't stupid. You have gone through a hard time, and you want to help others. No one can fault you for that. No one's fault, but his own." &&

Oh, she had listened to her uncle's words that day, but she still couldn't give up on her father. She hated herself every time in the future she hoped he would change and come find her.

He hadn't come when she finished basic training. She had figured at the time that it was too soon for him to change. Maybe in the future he would be different and come to the big events in her life.

&& "Uncle Matt, please try talking to him. Maybe he'll listen to you. He only hangs up on me when I try to call. Graduation is on Saturday."

"Sarah, I'll try, but you need to realize he won't come," Matt O'Hara answered his niece on the phone.

"I do, but…"

"But you can't help hoping, I know."

"Thanks for understanding. Good night, and see you on Sat."

"Good night. I'm looking forward to it."

When Sat. came around though, she knew that he wouldn't be there for her. After the ceremony, her uncle was waiting for her with a smile on his face and a hug to greet her.

"I'm so glad to see you, Uncle Matt, but he's not here is he?"

"He was too drunk the last time I saw him to talk to him."

"He hates me. He doesn't want anything to do with me, and I'm done with him. Don't worry about having to go see him anymore. It was a waste of your time to ask you to do so before now."

She stared at him as he looked at her. The stubbornness in her eyes letting him knows she was serious this time. She was going to do all he can to cut him out of her heart. &&

She had until the day she had gotten the phone call from the priest saying her father was dying. There would be no more tears for him. She wasn't going to cry anymore for him. He was gone out of her life.

Today she knew what it was like to be truly loved by a man, a man who if he could have would have been there for every one of those events in her life.

She looked up at the sky where the sun was now slowly settling into the horizon. She had to say good-bye one more time to a man that was never to ready to be there for her. He in his own way had a found a way to be there through newspaper articles and pictures her uncle had sent him.

Her cell phone rang, and brought her out of her thoughts.

"Colonel MacKenzie."

"How's my fiancée doing?"

"Harm, I'm doing well, except for missing you."

"I miss you too. Now tell me what's going on."

"What do you mean?" she was lost.

"No one knows where you went off to. Where are you?"

"Oh I took a trip up north. I had to say good-bye to someone. I'll tell you later." She could hear the question in his voice as he answered her.

"Okay as long as you promise to tell me."

"I will, I promise. I love you, Harm."

"I love you too. Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes Harm, and Harm?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome. Take care of yourself, marine. I want you in good shape next time I see you."

"16 days, 4 hours, 22 minutes left."

"I'll be there."

After a little more conversation she finally hung up. She turned back to grave, and said one last thing to her father. "Good-bye, Father." She saluted the grave before turning to leave with a smile on her face. There was no question now. She had no more reasons to cry over love lost.

The End


End file.
